What will be Pandora's next move?

You may recall my June 25 post in which I quoted extensively from a Pink Floyd statement (well, a 75% Pink Floyd statement) regarding Pandora Music - including an allegation that Pandora supported "an 85% artist pay cut."

Pink Floyd's statement had an effect:

This criticism was a tipping point in a long battle over artist royalties, said Ted Kalo, executive director of the musicFIRST Coalition. "That thing caught fire like nothing ever has on royalty issues," Kalo said of Pink Floyd's criticism. "This was a massive artist backlash."

Perhaps Pink Floyd's decision to place its music on Pandora competitor Spotify also had an effect. For whatever reason, Pandora has backed off on its support of the so-called "Internet Radio Fairness Act."

But there are still questions of fairness.

When an artist's song is played on a terrestrial radio station, the writer or composer of that song (not necessarily the performer) is typically compensated through performance-rights organizations such as BMI, ASCAP, and SESAC. The same is true if the song is played on satellite radio or Internet radio. However, terrestrial radio — that is, AM and FM — stations are exempt from paying performance royalties (i.e., royalties to the performer of the song), whereas satellite and Internet radio stations are not. And Internet radio stations pay higher rates than satellite and cable stations. The United States is one of the few industrialized countries that does not require terrestrial radio stations to pay performance royalties.

So while songwriters get a ton of money from terrestrial radio stations (which still dominate the music market), performers don't. This may please Randy Newman, but it wouldn't please Linda Ronstadt.

Among the ideas floating around is the proposal that terrestrial radio stations pay their "fair share" of performance royalties. Radio stations argue that performers benefit from the huge promotional capability of radio. Of course, Pandora tried that same argument, but failed.

With Pandora moving away from IRFA, some of the streaming service's most vocal opponents hope the company will unite with them around the issue of eliminating the AM/FM radio performance royalty exemption. For Pandora, it could mean a more level playing field, and for artists and labels, it could be a new source of royalty revenue....

Pandora did not respond to the question of whether it will lobby for terrestrial radio to pay performance royalties.

To be continued.

How the Grinny stole Guitar Godhood - why I dislike Eddie Van Halen

I finally figured out why I dislike Eddie Van Halen - which, if you read this blog regularly, is no big secret.

For years, I've told myself that Van Halen's guitar playing isn't all that musical.

But I just figured out the REAL reason for my distaste.

It's that danged goofy grin that he has when he's playing. And he still had it, even in 2012:

[T]he black-and-white video for "Tattoo" steals a few moves from the classic Van Halen playbook, with Roth shimmying and shaking (while donning goggles, waving checkerboard flags and frequently changing his wardrobe) and Eddie Van Halen grinning while unleashing a flurry of his patented guitar licks.

And when you have that big goofy grin on your face, you can't (IMHO) be taken seriously as a rock god.

Don't believe that a big goofy grin can change one's estimation of a musician? Let's take a look at some alternate history.

It's Madison Square Garden, and Led Zeppelin is playing their anthem, "Stairway to Heaven." As is normal, the song has been building up. One John has been setting the atmospheric tone, the other John has been building up the percussion to a level of ferocity, Robert is now screaming, and Jimmy is playing an outstanding guitar solo - with a big goofy grin on his face.

Kinda takes the magic away, doesn't it?

My latest Jim Bakker moment - what Queen's "'39" is REALLY about

I've long since disposed of most of the 7" singles that I collected over the years, but one of the singles that I used to own included the Queen song "'39." This was actually the B side of a single; the song was never a hit in its own right.

Queen is one of those bands - the Beatles and Blondie are others - that often changed directions on the course of an album, sometimes from song to song. (Queen's most famous example of this was in the album sequencing for "News of the World," in which "We Will Rock You" was immediately followed by "We Are the Champions" - a sequencing that was preserved in a hit single.)

The song "'39" is a folk song with ringing guitar, eerie vocal choruses and other eerie overtones, and lyrics that described, as only an Englishman could, the changes that occurred due to the beginning of the Second World War. Although I'll admit that I was puzzled by the references to volunteers coming home in 1939, since the evacuation of the Continent didn't take place until 1940.

Well, it turns out that my confusion was greater than I thought, because the song, written by Brian May, has nothing to do with World War II.

May has described the song as "my space science fiction love song." Robert Koehler, quoting from an unknown source, provides May's further thoughts on the song:

The song’s lyrics are a science fiction short story which concerns twenty volunteers who leave a dying Earth on a spaceship in search of new worlds to settle. They return to report success, 100 calendar years later, with only a single year passing from the volunteers’ perspective (due to time dilation). The lyrics imply that the song’s protagonist faces his child upon return to Earth....

Of course, back when I originally heard the song in the mid-1970s, I had no idea about May's interest in astrophysics - it would be decades before May would return to his studies and earn his Ph.D. in the subject.

Now someone's going to tell me that Roger Taylor, author of "I'm in Love with My Car," has been hired as a consultant to Ford...

The retirement of "The Other Guy" from music

Word from London is that an illustrious musical career has ended with the retirement of "The Other Guy" - a musical genius whose career is shrouded in anonymity.

Having begun his career in the mid 1960s as one half of the duo Peter and Gordon - although it was unclear whether TOG was Peter, or Gordon - The Other Guy moved to America after 1967 to start a musical group with singer/drummer Karen Carpenter. While in that group, he branched out to join a second musical duo, this time with Daryl Hall.

Returning to his native England at the end of the 1970s, The Other Guy became an important part of the country's "New Music Scene," simultaneously holding positions in Soft Cell, Wham!, and the Pet Shop Boys. Due to the magic of video and makeup, TOG achieved his greatest accomplishment by holding three positions in the popular band Culture Club.

This set the stage for the rest of TOG's career, as the digital revolution allowed him to hold down multiple positions in a variety of bands, including Oasis, Take That, Coldplay, and Gorillaz, while still maintaining his presence in Pet Shop Boys and in various other bands.

Tiring of the grind, TOG recently abandoned his professional recording career and entered a more lucrative profession, performing as a lounge singer in Cannes under the name John Baldwin.

Via .@martynware, I discover that my favorite Lene Lovich song wasn't a Lene Lovich song

Many, many decades ago, I was a disc jockey on Reed College's former radio station, the powerful 10-watt KRRC. One of the songs that I played was Lene Lovich's "The Night," a dramatic and mysterious piece that you could find in those punk/New Wave days.

Fast forward a few decades, and I'm poking around on Songfacts after (U.S.) Thanksgiving dinner, and I happen across an interview with Martyn Ware. Toward the end of the interview, he was discussing a British Electric Foundation release called "Dark." In response to a question about the album's title, Ware responded:

Well, the original idea was to do dark, electronic versions of previously happy pop songs, but the idea kind of evolved over time. It's not quite as focused as that. So some of the songs were originally dark, yeah, like "I Wanna Be Your Dog" just ended up being a reinterpretation in a different way. I was fascinated initially with the idea of recontextualizing lyrics into a different context. So the thing that inspired me and gave me the idea was originally a song by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons called "The Night." I don't know if you know that song. Do you know it?

The Songfacts interviewer wasn't familiar with it, and neither was I - or so I thought. But since I had been listening to some Four Seasons recently - both "Beggin'" (a song that was recently remade by Madcon) and "Who Loves You" (which, as far as I know, hasn't been remade yet), I figured I'd seek the song out on Spotify. I found it on a collection of songs from the Four Seasons' time at Motown, and I was listening along to it, and then I heard the chorus...

...and realized that I had heard this song before.

Just with another, very different artist.

Hear them both on my recent two-song Spotify playlist: http://spoti.fi/18awSrD.

Incidentally, Ware said that HIS remake of "The Night" didn't make the album. Now I'm curious.

And now I'm going to have to figure out how many bands have remade Four Seasons songs. "The Night" itself was also recorded by Pulp, among other bands.

The seventeenth minute of the "Girls" video - GoldieBlox's so-called "apology" - and its estimated revenue

As I just noted, GoldieBlox has pulled the "Girls" parody video (actually they just made it private), and replaced it with a video with different audio.

According to the New York Daily News, GoldieBlox "caved to the Beastie Boys."

I'm not so sure.

Normally when party A apologizes to party B, party A says they're sorry, and doesn't dredge up old issues with party B.

But take a look at GoldieBlox's letter to "Adam and Mike". The following is sprinkled through the "apology."

When we made our parody version of your song, ‘Girls’, we did it with the best of intentions. We wanted to take a song we weren’t too proud of, and transform it into a powerful anthem for girls....

Our hearts sank last week when your lawyers called us with threats that we took very seriously. As a small company, we had no choice but to stand up for ourselves....

We want you to know that when we posted the video, we were completely unaware that the late, great Adam Yauch had requested in his will that the Beastie Boys songs never be used in advertising. Although we believe our parody video falls under fair use, we would like to respect his wishes and yours....

[W]e are ready to stop the lawsuit as long as this means we will no longer be under threat from your legal team.

Some people would claim that I've quoted selective portions of the letter. Actually, the "selective" portions are the majority of the letter.

While the letter begins with the statement "we don't want to fight with you," GoldieBlox carries on the fight. We took your sexist song and made it into something worthwhile, but then your lawyers threatened us, and how were we supposed to know Adam Yauch's position on using Beastie Boys songs for commercial gain? We have the right to post this video, but we've withdrawn it, and now you'd better promise not to sue us.

Some apology.

Oh, and there's one more thing that Todd Wasserman calculated. For the period of time that the original video was on YouTube, Google ads were displaying next to and within the viral video - and GoldieBlox was earning money from those ads.

Before the company pulled the first version of the ad, it had racked up 9 million views. While it's hard to say what the value is of such a viral video, a back-of-the-envelope calculation based on ad revenues from the song Gangnam Style (about $1.7 million for 1 billion views) reveals that the figure is around $156,000.

Assuming a similar arrangement (with Google getting about half the ad dollars), GoldieBlox should make about $78,000 in ad revenues from the viral ad.

Even if Wasserman's estimate is high, that's not the only revenue that GoldieBlox received. Let's say that the GoldieBlox people, all big Beastie Boys fans, HAD respected Yauch's dying wish and had NOT created the video. Yes, the video would have received some views because of the Rube Goldberg stuff, but it probably wouldn't have received 9 million views.

I have no way of knowing how many product sales resulted from those 9 million views - the so-called "like economy" doesn't necessarily translate to real dollars. But GoldieBlox certainly got a bump in sales.

And, of course, there are those sales that will occur BECAUSE the video was "suppressed." Assuming that GoldieBlox and the various parties (the Beastie Boys and the various record and production companies) can come to an agreement, the next task for everyone involved will be to track down all remaining copies of the video and slap a DMCA warning on them. GoldieBlox will claim that the Beastie Boys are doing this. The Beastie Boys will claim that the record company is doing this. And interest will heighten in the product that is being suppressed.

I don't understand why girls would want to grow up and become engineers. It's obvious that it's much better to be a viral marketer.

GoldieBlox - Mission accomplished? Video with "Girls" parody now private, replaced by new video

A new wrinkle in the GoldieBlox story, that I learned about from Dan McDermott:

GoldieBlox does the right thing: Pulls ad w/ Beastie Boys song, replaces audio

The original viral YouTube video is now marked Private...

McDermott believes that this is a case of GoldieBlox doing the right thing. (Note that in McDermott's opinion, use of parodies to sell a commercial product is not a good thing.)

But now I'm beginning to wonder.

In one of my posts from yesterday, I quoted from a Felix Salmon piece about GoldieBlox's request for declaratory relief.

Given the speed with which the GoldieBlox complaint appeared, indeed, it’s reasonable to assume that they had it in their back pocket all along, ready to whip out the minute anybody from the Beastie Boys, or their record label, so much as inquired about what was going on. The strategy here is to maximize ill-will: don’t ask permission, make no attempt to negotiate in good faith, antagonize the other party as much as possible.

And now, just a few days after GoldieBlox asserts its right to use "Girls" in a parody video...it withdraws the parody video from public view?

Paraphrasing Salmon - given the speed with which the revised GoldieBlox video appeared, indeed, it's reasonable to assume that they had it in their back pocket all along, ready to whip out the minute anybody from the press, the blogosphere, or the likers/commenters, so much as inquired how GoldieBlox could do something so negative as sue the Beastie Boys. The strategy here is to maximize good-will: after the 15 minutes are up, play nice and pretend that the whole thing never happened.

Perhaps that's a cynical view, but there are two questions that remain unanswered:

First, why did GoldieBlox decide to withdraw the original video? I doubt that it was done for legal reasons. Perhaps it was a public relations move to appear nice. Or perhaps GoldieBlox had gotten all of the mileage that it could get from the original video.

Second, when was the "new" soundtrack actually assembled? Did GoldieBlox audio engineers rush through the weekend to come up with this new soundtrack? Or had there been two versions of the video all along?

Beastie Boys and copyright infringement? "Say What"?

In its coverage of the GoldiBlox-Beastie Boys dustup (see my two previous posts on the topic), the Hollywood Reporter made a point of noting that the Beastie Boys themselves have been on the other side of copyright disputes.

One of the reasons why the [GoldiBlox] video has captured the cultural imagination is its choice of music from the Beastie Boys, who it must be noted are still defending a copyright lawsuit alleging illegal sampling on the album Paul's Boutique.

The Hollywood Reporter then linked to its own September article on a recent lawsuit. While several claims of copyright infringement from TufAmerica (regarding songs by Trouble Funk) have been thrown out, two claims still remain to be litigated.

Just to illustrate how detailed copyright decisions can be, here's the Reporter's account of one of those samples.

There's a one-second sample of the Trouble Funk song, "Say What," that is used on the Beastie Boys' "Shadrach," and even though it's just a second, the judge notes, "This is not simply a phrase in the song, but rather the title phrase of the song." In other words, it's qualitatively significant.

Of course this still hasn't made it to an actual trial.

You gotta fight for the right to be transformative

Watch this.



What's that, Brooklyn Dolly Llama? You're saying that this is an obvious rip-off of the Beastie Boys?

But wait a minute. Weird Frankie over here is saying that this song is a direct commentary on, and rejection of, the original song.

Did you say it's for commercial use, Brooklyn Dolly Llama?

Well, the company that created the video above, Goldieblox, is going to get this settled, one way or the other, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

Goldieblox is now going to a California federal court to get declaratory relief that the video is not a copyright infringement.

In my layman's understanding, Goldieblox is engaging in a pre-emptive strike, before the Beastie Boys sue Goldieblox (although it's unclear whether the Beastie Boys actually were going to SUE Goldieblox).

Once it gets to court, the case should be cut and dry, right? Well, in a piece entitled Goldieblox and the Three MCs, Andy Baio notes that it may not be all that cut and dry.

Courts frequently reverse decisions on appeal, only to have appeals overturned by higher courts....If even judges can't agree on fair use, what chance do the rest of us have of understanding it?

One thing that struck me when reading Baio's piece is his use of the word "transformative," especially in regard to Leslie Nielsen's movie advertisement and 2 Live Crew's song. This relates to the first of four factors to be evaluated when "fair use" is claimed. These four factors are briefly listed on copyright.gov (which, in a delicious irony, is not itself protected by copyright):

1. The purpose and character of the use, including whether such use is of commercial nature or is for nonprofit educational purposes
2. The nature of the copyrighted work
3. The amount and substantiality of the portion used in relation to the copyrighted work as a whole
4. The effect of the use upon the potential market for, or value of, the copyrighted work

(This fourth factor has an interesting ramification. What if a parody - say, Goldieblox's parody of "Girls" - is so effective that music buyers decided that the Beastie Boys' original is sexist, odious, and not worthy of purchase?)

Both the Nielsen and the 2 Live Crew cases, and many, many others, were also discussed by Stanford University on a page that listed a number of fair use cases, accompanied by the final court determination. Two examples, one of which includes a...um, "novel" attempt to use the t-word:

Fair use. A person running for political office used 15 seconds of his opponent’s campaign song in a political ad. Important factors: A small portion of the song was used and the purpose was for purposes of political debate....

Not a fair use. A defendant in a music file sharing case could not claim a fair use defense since he had failed to provide evidence that his copying of music files involved any transformative use (an essential element in proving fair use).

In the course of writing this post, I had occasion to revisit a post that I had written in 2004 about the JibJab-Woody Guthrie thingie - a post that primarily consists of quotes from other publications.

Hey, I had only been blogging for less than a year at that time....

P.S. For more information, see the Beastie Boys message board thread on this topic. The "boys" are so old, the URL includes "bbs." For a slightly more modern presentation, see Goldieblox's Facebook page. Oh, and if you search the WHOIS database at godaddy.com, you'll find that "goldiblox.com" (no "e") is registered to someone other than Goldieblox.

[11:45 AM - FOLLOW-UP POST IN MY EMPOPRISE-BI BUSINESS BLOG.]

Another "miscommunication" regarding underage attendance at a venue - but this one wasn't corrected in time

Stop me if you think you've heard this one before.

A few of you may remember a story that I shared last April about the Alberta Rose Theatre in Portland, Oregon. Initially, the venue was going to charge adults $15 to attend a particular show, while people under 21 would be charged $17. A friend of mine - who is a musician and the father of an under-21 musician - was not pleased with this pricing policy. A few days later, my friend posted the following:

There was apparently some miscommunication between the agent and the venue. The price is now the same for minors and adults alike.

Ah, "miscommunication." It can happen. I've worked in large businesses and small businesses alike, and there can certainly be all sorts of miscommunication. And in the music bookings industry, where you have artists and agents and promoters and venue owners and venue managers and venue employees, the opportunity for "miscommunication" can mushroom.

My friend's story had a happy ending - the pricing snafu was resolved well before the event took place.

The story that I'm about to share isn't quite that happy.

I had previously mentioned that Phildel is touring North America, and had a performance date in Los Angeles at the Hotel Cafe. I was unable to attend, but reports are that the performance went very well, and that everyone had a good time.

When Phildel planned this trip, she also planned a second date in Los Angeles, for the night after her Hotel Cafe performance. This second date, at a different place, was specifically intended to be open to those under 21. Since Phildel is like English and stuff, she doesn't exactly play El-Lay every week, so I'm certain that this was a big event for her fans - especially her under 21 fans.

On her official Facebook page, Phildel described what happened:

We had an utter catastrophe of a night tonight and I've spent most of this evening in tears. We booked our show specifically for under 21s at The Standard for tonight and instead - most of you who were under 21 were turned away by venue staff that were unaware of the agreement we had with the venue management for our all ages show. I and my team were assured by the venue management that this show was specifically designed for all ages. We weren't even alerted to the fact that guestlist audience were being turned away by door staff until we happened to walk past the door and see two girls being turned away - it took for me to breakdown in tears before the venue allowed our remaining under 21 guests in - but by then, I know they had already turned away most of you. Honestly, I'm just so incredibly heartbroken and distressed by what's happened here. I know many of you will have driven for hours to get to this show. We created this show specifically for our under 21 fans. And I'm utterly appalled by how this huge mistake could've been allowed to happen. I promise to make it up to you all who were turned away, in any way that I can...again, I'm so, incredibly sorry and upset over this. To the very few of you who managed to get into the show tonight - thank you so much for coming, I'm glad we could at least perform to you Xxxxxxxxxx

She's trying to make it up to her under-21 fans - read the thread for details - but it's obviously disappointing nonetheless.

I checked SPIN Standard's Facebook page and saw no official reaction.

Four songs on a #spotify playlist (sequel to my 2008 post)

I've done a little bit of marketing of the Empoprise-MU music blog outside of Blogger. There's a Facebook page, a Google+ page, and...well, that's about it.

Geek Dimensions has a slightly more aggressive marketing strategy. The website lists a number of services where Geek Dimensions has a presence, and there are some services that aren't even listed on the website. For example, Steven Hodson recently mentioned (just to his Facebook friends, so no link) that he has a Rdio playlist for Geek Dimensions.

A Rdio playlist...for something that isn't even directly related to music.

Meanwhile, I've had this music blog for several years now, and how many playlists have I created?

A grand total of one - my 60+ song last.fm playlist that was linked to my Oracle OpenWorld Unconference presentation on biometrics. I included songs such as "Wrapped Around Your Finger," "Eyes Without a Face," "Police and Thieves," and so forth.

But I'll let you in on a little secret. I've been creating "Empoprise-MU" Spotify playlists for the last several months now. It's just that I never got around to sharing any of them on...well, on Empoprise-MU, which would seem to be the logical place to share an Empoprise-MU playlist.

Well, I'm going to rectify that now, and share a Spotify playlist with you that includes a few of the songs that I've mentioned in recent posts.

Since many of you probably aren't on Spotify, I'll share a picture of the playlist so you can see what songs are on it.

For my blind users, the songs on the playlist are the following:

Angel Jasmine, "So Free" (see this post)
Flash and the Pan, "Lights in the Night" (see this post)
ILL Mitch, "Hux" (see this post)
Phildel, "Moonsea" (see this post)

For Spotify users, the playlist can be accessed via http://spoti.fi/HpwPkK. And this may also give you access to dozens upon dozens of "Empoprise-MU" playlists that I've created for my personal listening pleasure.

So I hope you enjoy the fact that I'm actually using A MUSIC SERVICE in conjunction with Empoprise-MU. It's about time. (Whoops, wrong blog.)

So perhaps Phildel may stay at your house

Over two years ago, I blogged about Airbnb in my Empoprise-BI business blog. If you haven't heard of this service, it allows people to temporarily rent their houses to others.

My 2011 blog post concerned a rental gone awry, because one of Airbnb's houseguests trashed the place where they were staying. This is a potential concern of anyone who rents a place via Airbnb - or, for that matter, anyone who rents a place via any method for any length of time. You want to check out your potential renters, and Airbnb lets you do just that. For example, here is a profile of one of Airbnb's renters (you'll note that I'm not referring to this person as a "customer," for reasons outlined in my 2011 post).

Hey, I'm Phildel!

I'm a friendly and polite, non-smoking, 28 year old born and raised in London, but now happily living in the rolling valleys of the Chilterns, Buckinghamshire. I create music (some of which you might have heard on tv), I film music videos and work creatively for Warner Chappell Music Publishing as one of their artists. I live with my boyfriend, Chris Young (who works in IT) and our two cats. We love walking, peaceful holidays and being creative.

Yes, she loves being creative. If you don't recognize the name, I've blogged about Phildel before, most recently here. A lot has happened since I blogged about Phildel last - she released her album The Disappearance of the Girl, she came to North America for a tour that went awry when she couldn't get a U.S. work permit, and then she straightened all that out and is headed back here again (she'll be in Los Angeles in a few days, but I'll be working on a project and unable to attend).

And if you ever get a request from Phildel to rent your place, rest assured that she is a well-recommended houseguest:

Phildel and her boyfriend were two very sweet and interesting guests as well as being tidy and clean. We have enjoyed their company as far as our busy schedule let us so and do highly recommend them to come back anytime they want ;) and also to all the other hosts out there!

October 2013

Flash and the Pan, "Lights in the Night"

It's been several years since I mentioned Flash and the Pan in the Empoprise-MU music blog.

This Australian band that started in my teenage years has been mentioned several times in the past, including a September 25, 2008 mention of Grace Jones' cover of "Walking in the Rain," an August 25, 2009 failed attempt to find the band on Akoo, a March 16, 2010 "tymshft" discussion about bands who resisted online song-only releases, and a March 24, 2010 mention of the original version of "Walking in the Rain."

As you can probably tell, I like the song "Walking in the Rain," and in the past I'd describe it as my favorite Flash and the Pan song.

But the title track from the band's second album is growing on me. This video includes visuals from Ann Mari Nerman (WASP-Queen).



P.S. If you were a member of the Empoprises Public Community on Google+, you would have known some of this already.

Remember the Annie Leibovitz-Miley Cyrus brouhaha over a revealing Cyrus picture?

I was searching for information on Disney's use of public domain items (here's a list of over 30 public domain items that Disney has used for its copyrighted material) when I ran across this story from 2008.

2008 - it seems so long ago.

Annie Leibovitz (right), the celebrity photographer, has been accused of "manipulating" a 15-year-old actress into posing semi-naked for Vanity Fair magazine.

Miley Cyrus (left), star of the Disney Channel show Hannah Montana, was pictured apparently topless, with only a satin bedsheet protecting her modesty.

Initially, she said she was happy with the shot, declaring it "really artsy". But she has had a change of heart when the picture was placed in the public domain.

Now I suspect that The Week was using "public domain" for a different meaning - I don't see either Leibovitz or Vanity Fair intentionally surrendering their copyright privileges.

Of course, with Cyrus' nude popularity, Disney probably regrets that they didn't try to obtain the copyright to the picture.

Meanwhile, Contact Music has noted the supposed change in Cyrus' attitude over the years.

So what's changed in four (sic) years? Despite mega-hit after mega-hit, Cyrus appears to be more than happy to fall into the laziest of routines - the MTV Video Music Awards being the notable example. It's like Lady Gaga but without any of intrigue or excitement, and mostly without the songs.

And, as I noted in a September post in my tymshft blog, it's not an original idea either.

German English Spanish Pre-Batboy Voodoo Roseanne (are not random words)

This little clip has everything.



To start with, this is a German dub of a U.S. film, "True Stories." The dialogue is German, but the song has been preserved in its original English/Spanish (with German subtitles).

For those who are not familiar with the story, this clip shows scenes of a celebration of Texas' 150th anniversary - specifically, a talent show in which some of the talent segments, and all of the performers, are based upon stories found in the Weekly World News. You'll see clips of David Byrne and John Goodman, decked out in their cowboy hats. Goodman is about to sing, and drinks something before he goes on stage.

Meanwhile, Pops Staples is doing his voodoo/santeria stuff in an effort to help John Goodman find love.

For those of you who think that voodoo/santeria is a good thing, remember that after this movie, Goodman found love...with Roseanne Barr.

Know Your Meme Deadpool - #illmitch

I went to the Know Your Meme website to research the Hitler Nutella meme, which was not listed. I then began poking around the website, and discovered that it has a "deadpool" of memes. Unlike Wikipedia, which removes similar entries entirely, Know Your Meme just shuttles them over to the deadpool, presumably for people to scoff at.

So I was curious - what was the very last entry in the Know Your Meme deadpool?

At the time that I checked, it was this one.

The entry is preceded by a deadpool warning:

This entry has been rejected due to incompleteness or lack of notability.
To dispute this DEADPOOL flagging, please provide suggestions for how this entry can be improved, or request editorship to help maintain this entry.

The meme description consisted of the following story:

Ill Mitch, born in Soviet Russia, came to America with an insatiable appetite to rap, box, and ride skateboard. His addictive rhymes and deep lyrics (“I have two sides – one happy, one anger”) earned him billions of fans across the world.
He has also released a number of videos to connect with his fans:

After reading this, I felt like I had reached the end of the Internet. Or had I? I knew what I had to do next. I linked to the relevant Know Your Meme entry, and added this description:

As of right now, this is the very last entry in the "Deadpool" section of Know Your Meme.

You know what that means - time to popularize it.

As I often say, I am not trendy.

I started by going to ILL Mitch's YouTube channel. I chose the 21st video in the series, posted back in March 2009. Why? Because it's about science, subject of a September 24 mini-rant by Larry Rosenthal (actually a mini-sigh) regarding those who confuse science and technology. And, of course, I also shared it on Google+ with an #illmitch hashtag.

So, based upon the Know Your Meme entry and that video, I concluded that ILL Mitch had been someone who had been active several years ago, but who had disappeared.

As Jim Bakker would say, I was wrong.

While on Spotify, I found an ILL Mitch album with a 2013 release, entitled "Kblack." If you don't have access to Spotify, you can find information on this particular album at last.fm. The album is not a rap album, but is instead a synthetica/found objects album. As you may realize, such an album is right up my alley. There's even a song - Orange Black - that reminds me of my second favorite mp3.com artist Doctor Orange in more ways than one.



Unfortunately, I was unable to discover whether "Ill Mitch" is a real ex-Russian, a performance artist, or a creation of Jimmy Kimmel. The illmitch.com website registration is private.

But even if my efforts don't serve to resurrect the notoriety of ILL Mitch, perhaps I'll be able to bug a Know Your Meme editor or two. which reminds me - why doesn't ILL Mitch have a Wikipedia page? (Apologies in advance to Mitch McGary, whose unfortunate name placement next to the abbreviation for the University of Illinois is probably going to result in his unwanted fame as a Russian rapper.)

Surprise - I found a Patrice Wilson song that DOESN'T suck

While Patrice Wilson is presumably laughing all the way to the bank, he probably doesn't want to show his face in certain places. The new Alison Gold song adds to Wilson's notoriety - and, in case you didn't know, Rebecca Black has gone to some lengths to distance herself from her musical association with Patrice Wilson.

So, based upon the evidence, we are forced to conclude that Wilson is a really bad songwriter.

However, he has been involved with other tween artists. For example, listen to this song by Angel Jasmine, a song that Wilson co-wrote.



Now if you watch the video, you see some elements of Wilson's formula (tween singer, tween friends, cool tween stuff).

But there is one important difference.

THE SONG DOESN'T SUCK.

Now I'm sure that people can pick the song apart (lucky jeans?), but this song actually flows pretty well, without some of the bad rhyming found in Wilson's more famous songs. And thankfully, no creepy Patrice Wilson appearance in the video either.

And yes, the vocals are overproduced, but isn't that the case for much more famous artists nowadays? And, for the record, the YouTube video page includes this comment:

Marlaine A 8 months ago

how sad that majority of the rates and comments are influenced by how one feels towards the producer, and not the artist. heard this girl sing in person quite a few times, and must say that her voice is pretty awesome. she's also beautiful, very smart and talented. the first time i heard this song (while my sister was playing it on her ipod), i knew right away that it's her singing it. wished i had the copyright to post some of her videos so i can prove all dislikers wrong :-(

If you're interesting, "So Free" is available on both CD Baby and iTunes.

Suspended animation - Radio Disney's outdated biography of Miley Cyrus

I was wondering if Alison Gold's new song "Chinese Food" was trending on Radio Disney - it seems ideally suited for that station's audience. Even if the Radio Disney audience enjoys the song, however, it seems that it takes a while for Radio Disney to reflect this.

But I was surprised to see who WAS listed on the Radio Disney website as featured artists.

Yes, even today, Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana are still on the Radio Disney website. Although it appears that the site hasn't gotten around to any recent updates on Miley.

In this case, perhaps a bit of update tardiness is probably a blessing.

A music factory and Chinese food - and no, this is not the second time that we've heard this

I, quite literally, #blamedrew for my exposure to the "I Like Chinese Food" video that's making the rounds these days, often in the form of "the same person who brought you Rebecca Black's 'Friday' has now created THIS!"

You will note that I am not embedding Alison Gold's video itself in this post, for a simple reason - the chorus is catchy, like a virus. And I do not want to be responsible for causing you to sing these lyrics endlessly in your head:

I love Chinese food
You know that's it's true
I love fried rice
I love noodles
I love chow mein chow me-me-me-mein

The person who brought you Rebecca Black and Alison Gold is one Patrice Wilson, and he (like any great musical artist, including Led Zeppelin and Nirvana) has a sure-fire formula:

While it looks like it took him a year of staggering around, pleading with the world to keep him relevant with their collective hate, he finally realized that the only way to generate the same buzz as "Friday" was to do the exact same music video again. No exaggeration there -- the two songs and videos are almost identical. They both open on a calendar, they both have rap interludes in the exact same section, they both promise a vague version of "fun" and "a good time" over and over and they both spend an inordinate amount of time pointing at objects and announcing what they are.

Patrice Wilson knew what he was doing and intentionally followed a formula that he stumbled upon with Rebecca Black to ensure that everyone despised his next music video, because that was the only way he could guarantee that it would be watched by millions and millions of people. Just think about that for a second. Fame is still desirable, even when it comes in the form of truckloads of letters from people inviting you to fall in a fire.

As unhealthy and sad as that sounds, it gets worse.

If Patrice Wilson wanted to situate himself in the focal point of the world's loathing, that would be fine. We genuinely like having something to hate, so if someone wants to fill that role, then there's really no harm. Except Patrice Wilson isn't the star of the "It's Thanksgiving" music video, even if he wishes he could be. No, the star is 12-year-old Nicole Westbrook...

Uh, wait a minute. I thought her name was Alison Gold, and I thought the song was called "Chinese Food," not "It's Thanksgiving." What gives?

You see, "Chinese Food" is not Patrice Wilson's second foray into bad teen music videos. It's at least his third - the quotes above are from a cracked.com post that was written back in November 2012. I had never heard of Nicole Westbrook until now, although Michelle Jaworski apparently has, and has placed Gold's work on a timeline with Black's and Westbrook's.

At this point, little is known about Gold. Last I checked, her Twitter account had no posts. Oh well, the kids use Snapchat anyway...

My oh my...a 2003 post

I've been marking my ten-year blogging anniversary by reprinting some of my favorite blog posts from the past ten years. I've written in a variety of blogs over the decade, and one of my first blogs was called "KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts." These were supposedly written transcripts of broadcasts from my own personal radio station, based (as are all of my fake activities) in Guasti, California.

The transcripts preserved various commercials, playlists, and other items from this supposed station - and in one case, on November 24, 2003, the transcripts documented an important musical collaboration.

[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
(dramatic music)

A KOER important exclusive

Before I play the following song, I'd like to thank all the people who have been working behind the scenes to make this possible: Eddie, Will, Lisa, Jun, Robert, Daniel, Alan, John, Paul, George, Ringo, Carrie, Christine, Carnie, Wendy, April, May, June, Peter, Paul, Andrew, Nate, David, Kevin, Gene, Wesley, and of course Fred.

Considering the origins of this song, it's even more topical when you consider the events that have taken place over the last few days.

First, a bit of history.

- - -

On a January day in 1984, Talking Heads lead singer David Byrne was walking down Broadway in Manhattan when he was approached by a group of teenagers. The teenagers were chatting with each other when they noticed Byrne. David, well-known in New York, was not surprised when the youths suddenly hushed, stared in his direction, and ran toward him. However, Byrne was surprised by what happened next.

"Excuse me," asked a girl with a green mohawk. "Are you David Byrne?"

In a friendly manner, David replied, "Yes."

"Wow," said mohawk-girl in awe. "I remember when you were in the Talking Heads."

"Yeah," murmured a boy in agreement.

"Actually, I'm still in the Talking Heads," replied Byrne. "I'm writing some songs right now."

"I remember your show," said the boy. "You guys were really cool."

With a hint of irritation, Byrne turned toward the boy. "We're still busy, working on new things."

"Yeah, but not like Michael Jackson," said mohawk-girl.

Another girl nodded. "Michael Jackson's doing some really trendy stuff. But you guys were good in your day."

"Thank you, I guess," replied David as the group walked away.

David continued to his favorite diner and ran into his good friend Laurie Anderson. Still shaking his head, he described the encounter to her in detail.

"Michael Jackson?" said Anderson in amazement. "What a hack."

"Well, that's what they said," replied Byrne as he shook his head. "I can't believe that they think he's all that creative, though."

"Jackson's been getting a free ride," said Anderson. "He hasn't had to face anyone with real creativity."

"But he does sell a lot of records," mused Byrne. "Success is hotter than creativity any day."

"Maybe," thought Anderson as she sent her vegetarian bacon back to the cook. "But what if several creative people took him on? Thriller Schmiller."

Byrne sat in thought. "We'd need some help."

- - -

Laurie Anderson and David Byrne tried their best. After three months of work, they had recorded seven songs for a planned album called My Oh My, Look How Creative We Are. However, their attempts to assemble an all-star cast proved fruitless, and the seven tracks in fact documented seven rejections from leading music industry names. Here is one of those rejections, set to music by Byrne and Anderson, entitled "Laurie Calls Peter."


BYRNE (spoken) Do you have the number?
ANDERSON (spoken) Yes. I have the number.
BYRNE (sings) Then you'd better do some dialing.
(telephone dialing)
VOICE (spoken) Bloody hell, who is this?
ANDERSON (spoken) Hello. This is Laurie.
VOICE (spoken) It's three a m.
ANDERSON (spoken) It is earlier here. We have a different time.
BYRNE (sings) Time for shouting, time for smiling.
ANDERSON (spoken) Am I speaking to Peter Gabriel?
VOICE (spoken) Not any more. (Hangs up phone.)
BYRNE (sings) He's not a morning person.
ANDERSON (spoken) I guess that you are right.
BYRNE (sings) He's not a morning person.
ANDERSON (spoken) And neither was Elton John.
BYRNE (sings) So I don't know what I will do.
ANDERSON (spoken) You don't know what you will do.
BYRNE (sings) I dont' know what I will do.
ANDERSON (spoken) But you know it will be true.
BYRNE (spoken) What?
ANDERSON (spoken) True.

This exclusive presentation of the Byrne/Anderson/Gabriel song "Laurie Calls Peter" was brought to you by KOER.